Red Flags

We all know that there was some idealization in the beginning of the relationship, in which he/she tried very hard to mimic your personality, but this behavior is likely not what created this curiosity in you, so let’s discuss the behaviors that might have started to appear after that phase. Here is a quick list of some notable red flag behaviors that are frequently reported by survivors. You find these discussed in more detail, including reasons behind them, in the expanded edition of I Believe You! Here, we will use he for ease of reading.

1. Huge fights, only to come back an hour later pretending nothing had happened, and without discussing the fight or working through the difficulty.

2. He always wants what everyone else has.

3. He loves to get things and has no problem asking for someone to give him things or buy him things.

4. He is a terrible gift giver.

5. His compliments become repetitive.

6. He will bad mouth others to you.  

7. He might have a history of short-lived, or shallow relationships.

8. May have intermittent and confusing relationships with close relatives.

9. Friends are actually acquaintances, and based on similar interests or offerings.

10. An addiction to social media.

11. He is the life of the party.

12. A tendency to be secretive.

13. You feel the need to change yourself.

14. He blows things out of proportion.

15. Everything is about blame.

16. Words and actions don’t make sense.

17. Unstable employment history.

18. He takes things personally.

19. Conversations go nowhere.

20. He appears to live in constant fantasy.

21. His stories constantly change.

22. He often repeats movie quotes.

23. Nothing is ever good enough.

24. He doesn’t respect your personal belongings.

25. Your emotional needs are an inconvenience.

26. He ghosts you.

27. He seems to have two different personalities.

28. He is easily bored.

29. Some form of sex addiction.

30. He has a general dishonesty/lack of integrity.

31. He will ruin holiday functions.

32. What might appear as childishly charming in the beginning, quickly becomes reckless and immature.

33. He will quickly cut people out of his life.

34. Your efforts are expected, not appreciated.

35. You never feel truly happy.

36. He may have one or more addictions.