When the One You Loved Becomes the One You Fear

Not too long ago, I found myself in a place I never thought I’d be—lying on the floor after being hit and spat on by the man I once trusted with my life. That moment broke something inside me. It wasn’t just the physical pain—it was the complete loss of self, the realization that I had become a shadow of the strong, hopeful person I once was.

But that incident was just the tip of the iceberg. There were the holes punched into walls, the shattered furniture, and the destruction of our home—both literally and emotionally. There were endless nights spent trying to fix what was never mine to fix.

He controlled every aspect of my life, from my finances to my peace of mind. And even now, as we go through this brutal divorce, the manipulation hasn’t stopped. Abusers rarely just walk away—they find new ways to torment you, like appealing convictions or dragging out legal battles just to keep you tangled in their web.

I have a No Contact Order (NCO) in place, and while that gives me some protection, it doesn’t erase the fear or stop the smear campaigns and online harassment. It feels like a never-ending fight just to protect what little peace I’m trying to rebuild.

And maybe what hurts most is knowing he’s already moved on to someone else. Another woman who probably believes, just like I once did, that she’s found a charming, misunderstood man. I don’t care who he dates now—it’s none of my business—but I wish someone had warned me.

I made excuses for him for far too long. I told myself that if I just loved him enough, if I stayed patient, he’d change. But here’s the truth: abusers don’t change unless they want to—and most don’t.

I’m sharing this because I want you to know what abuse really looks like. It’s not just bruises and broken bones; it’s manipulation, financial control, isolation, and gaslighting. It’s cleaning up broken furniture while trying to hold your shattered self together.

If you’re reading this and you’re stuck in a similar situation, please know:

• You’re not crazy.

• You’re not weak.

• And you are absolutely not alone.

Healing is messy. Some days I feel like I’m winning, and others, the trauma still grips me. But I’m reclaiming my life one step at a time.

If this resonates with you, I hope you’ll share your own story or just be reminded that we’re in this together. Stay strong—you’re worth the fight.

— Your fellow survivor