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Standing up for Myself

I’m sharing my story not just to unload the weight of my experience but also to reach others who might be walking the same painful path. Narcissistic abuse is isolating, confusing, and emotionally exhausting, but you’re not alone.


My relationship with my now ex-boyfriend was a constant push-and-pull of control and blame. It’s hard to put into words just how manipulative and toxic things became, but I’ll try. Maybe someone out there will see themselves in my story and find the strength to take their power back.


It started with what I thought was love and affection. But it wasn’t long before I saw his true colors. Everything revolved around him. If he called, I was supposed to answer. If he wanted to see me, I was expected to drop everything and go to him—no matter my responsibilities or obligations.


This past Sunday was a perfect example. He called me while I was getting ready for work, demanding I call out sick and come over. I work hard, and I’m committed to my job, so I explained why I couldn’t just skip work. His reaction? He went silent for the rest of the day.

By Tuesday, I hadn’t heard from him, so I called. He acted like nothing was wrong and casually invited me over, but it wasn’t long before the accusations started. He claimed I wasn’t talking to him enough, even though he explicitly told me not to call. When I reminded him of that, he turned the conversation around, asking if I’d ever cheated on him and demanding I promise that he was the only man in my life.


I tried to set a boundary, telling him I expected the same level of loyalty from him. His response? He refused to make any promises to me. He told me outright, “I’ll do what I want, when I want, with whoever I want.”


That’s just one example of the power imbalance that defined our relationship. He constantly withheld affection, gave me the silent treatment whenever I stood up for myself, and had no respect for my boundaries.


The breaking point came when he started talking about my kids. He has no relationship with them—he’s only met them once or twice—but he had the nerve to call them stupid and criticize their lives. My children work hard, take care of themselves, and are independent. Yet he insisted on tearing them down, comparing them to his own kids, who had the advantage of free college because of his job.


I told him that subject was off-limits. My kids are not up for debate, judgment, or ridicule. His reaction? More silent treatment, more emotional withdrawal.


Today was the final straw. Things seemed fine at first; we ran errands without any arguments. But later, when I shared something personal—a discovery about my family’s genealogy—he fabricated a bizarre story about how my documents were destroyed by a cop. It was completely untrue, and when I tried to correct him, he lashed out. He grabbed a pen and paper, started writing down accusations about how I’d “run him down” since I got to his house, and told me I was the problem.


When I pushed back and reminded him that I’m not allowed to ask about his day or have a voice in what we talk about, he doubled down. “No, you don’t [have a choice],” he said. Then he told me we were done and kicked me out of his house.


This is the reality of being in a relationship with a narcissist. They twist everything to make it your fault. They gaslight you into questioning your own reality. They expect total control while giving nothing in return.


But here’s what I’ve realized: It’s not me. It’s not my fault. And it’s not yours either. Narcissists thrive on control and manipulation, and when you start to stand up for yourself—when you refuse to let them tear down your self-worth or the people you love—they lash out.


If you’re reading this and you’ve been through something similar, know this: You are not alone. You are not the problem. You deserve love, respect, and a voice in your relationships.

It’s okay to walk away. It’s okay to demand better. And it’s okay to protect your peace, even if it means being alone for a while.


To anyone who’s struggling to leave or make sense of the chaos, I hope my story gives you clarity and strength. Narcissistic abuse is not love. It’s control, manipulation, and destruction. And you are worth so much more.


Stay strong. You’ve got this. 💜

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© 2022 by I Believe You: Escaping, Understanding & Healing from Narcissistic Abuse.

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